Presidential Humor

From 101 President Jokes, by Melvin Berger

One time a reporter asked John Tyler, "Do you want Texas to become part of the United States?" Tyler answered, "Half of my friends are for it. Half of them are against it. I stand with my friends!"

When Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer, he kept his tall stovepipe hat next to his desk and put papers in it as he worked. When the hat was full, he dumped the papers onto the floor. On top of the pile he left a note: "If you can't find it anywhere else, look here."

Grover Cleveland was always fighting the Senate, but he got along well with the House of Representatives. One night while he was sleeping, his wife shook him awake. "There are thieves in the house," she whispered. "No, my dear," he answered. "Thieves in the Senate, maybe. But not in the House."

Before becoming president, Woodrow Wilson was governor of New Jersey. While he was serving as governor, a New Jersey senator died. Within a few hours, a politician called the governor and said, "I'd like to take the senator's place." Governor Wilson was shocked that the politician had called so soon after the senator's death, but he got even. He told the caller, "It's all right with me--if the undertaker doesn't mind."

Calvin Coolidge was called "Silent Cal" because he spoke so little. One time he was at the barbershop in his hometown of Plymouth, Vermont. While his hair was being cut, the town doctor was waiting his turn. After several minutes, the doctor asked Coolidge, "Did you take those pills I gave you?" Coolidge paused before answering. "Nope." Some more time passed. Then the doctor spoke again. "Do you feel better?" Several minutes went by. "Yup," Coolidge finally said. At last Coolidge's haircut was finished. He started to leave--but without paying the barber. "You forgot to pay me," the barber reminded him. "I'm sorry," Coolidge apologized. "I was so busy chatting with the doctor that it slipped my mind."

This story was told about Richard Nixon: To bring his message to all the people, he offered to speak at a prison. As soon as word got out, several inmates called on the warden. "We want to protest," the leader said. "Listening to the President's speech was not part of our sentence."

Some people claimed that Ronald Reagan had a poor memory. At a press conference, a reporter said to the president, "You said that you would resign if your memory started to go." Reagan laughed. "I don't remember saying that."